Dear Time,
how many knees wasted at the wrong pulpit?
thought i worshipped the future, but it was
pleasure all along. thought my prayer aimed
for peace, but it was simply ease. prayed stillness
and received stagnation. did not mean to land
in the middle of the road, i was wishing for destination.
at times i feared complexity, at other times craved it
sometimes wings and sometimes stones at my back.
i wanted wings, wanted to fly to the end, i was sick
of walking, sick of praying, i wanted to be
where the prayer sought. sometimes said
my oppressor’s words, the ones robbing our time
stealing us out of time, i wanted heads, i wanted to return
to them their chaos, i wanted reciprocity
i wanted to take their time, to take time out of them.
i didn’t want peace, i wanted victory! i didn’t
need rest, i needed victory! victory was the prayer
i couldn’t speak out loud without saying
what victory required, i started stuttering when i prayed.
i wanted peace to be anything but still. i wanted peace
to move quickly, destroy everything in its way.
Danez Smith is the author of four collections, including Bluff, a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize. They live in Minneapolis.